Your Nervous System Deserves Closure Too: Healing After Divorce

Sep 8 / Jenn Wooten

Divorce Is a Major Stress Event. Recovering takes more than time; it takes nervous system repair.

My parents divorced after 32 years of marriage. In the year following, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I often wonder how much the stress of that separation wore down her system, making her vulnerable to illness. 

In our nervous system coaching practice, we often see how the effects of separation, divorce, and breakups linger in the body and nervous system. And the relationship doesn’t always end when the papers are signed. There is the ongoing stress of co-parenting hand-offs, navigating mutual friends, financial decisions, and the redefining of “normal” that can keep your system circling through fight, flight, freeze, or flop. It can show up as:
  • Hypervigilance: Waiting for the next text, tone, or demand.
  • Collapse or Numbness: Feeling foggy or shut down after interactions.
  • Startle + Irritability: Small requests feel overwhelming; sleep feels fragile.
  • Identity Drift: “Who am I now?” lands as emptiness rather than freedom.
What supports healing: Finding small ways to complete stress cycles and gently rebuilding capacity with practices you can actually do, especially before and after the known stress points like emails, exchanges, or court dates.

Micro-Supports You Can Use This Week

Before an exchange: Straw Breath for 3 rounds to lengthen the exhale and down-shift activation so you can show up as your wisest self.
After a tense email: Seated Twist to re-awaken interoception and orient to the room you’re actually in so you can move on without replaying what was said and how to respond.
When flooded: The Basic Exercise to move energy through instead of spiraling in thought loops.
At bedtime: Self-Havening to create a sense of connection, warmth, and clarity within yourself.

Boundaries In Capacity Language

Capacity-based communication can protect your bandwidth without getting caught up in conflict.
  • I don’t have the capacity for that right now. I can revisit on Friday.”
  • For my capacity, I’m keeping communication to the parenting app.”
  • I can confirm pick-up at 5pm; I don’t have the capacity to discuss extras today.”
  • I’m choosing a 24-hour response window for non-urgent items.”

A Gentle Reframe

Every time you practice this, you’re teaching others to see and respect your limits. And just as importantly, you’re teaching your own nervous system that it can count on you to honor its limits and needs.

Ready For Steadier Ground?

Closure isn’t just emotional or legal. Your nervous system longs for it, too. If you’re moving through divorce, separation, or another big change, there are ways to steady.

✨ Steady Inside: Nervous System Skills for Life